The sea is in me

I wanted to be
I wanted to feel
I wanted to see
things as vast as a sea
in my pursuit- I lost myself
in this vast sea
I cannot see myself
find, or even be myself
deep down in this deep sea
i have lost myself to what i wanted
i could not see
i could not feel
i could not be
I have dissolved into these monstrous blues
I have become bait to these monstrous blues
I have become part of this deep sea
that i have always dreamt of- and now
I am afraid, I am not who i am
who am i, I asked again
In these million waves
the sea is in me
salt in my blood and bones
i am lost in myself- i have drowned
in this voyage of life

-Kaya

A lot of a lot

breathing in and out
breathing in and out
so many words
the beginning and ending
of the worlds words
the eternal loop from
word to word and to
the sound of silence
the sound of silence that overlaps
a lot of beginnings and endings
of words words and again words
a lot of words and voices
a lot of talking, talking and talking

a lot of a lot of things
the sound of eyes closing
lids clashing, open and shut
open and shut, open and shut
foots hitting the ground
left and right, left foot coming after the right and the same over and over and over and over and over the
beginning of the breath that goes in
to the ending of an exhale, breathe out and in and out and in
wind over wind, that speaks and speaks and speaks to me
and at last the last clashing of the lids
eyes shut to blank silence a vision less vision in a tubular void
in the dark, and the sound of silence
getting louder and louder and louder
it is never quiet in my mind and self that envies the ability of a needle in a clock
to move on second to second
and not dwell in the past

-Kaya

Untitled #22

A vague memory
of heaven behind me
I’ll walk up,
I’ll walk straight up with
cold teeth that shiver
blue gums, that bleed
cold nights with white sheets
and white eyes that don’t sleep

with fire beneath my red feet
that bleed, bleed and bleed
Follow my footprints
don’t be mistaken
for they do not lead

-Kaya